HJNTIY

An excerpt from He’s Just Not That Into You
from Chapter 1: He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out

HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD by Liz

Well, it’s obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don’t know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We’re just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why do you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who’ll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That’ll get his attention.

Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I’m talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn’t frizz. Most women who date, I would guess, don’t have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there’s a long stretch during which nobody’s asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it’s even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.

But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn’t worked at all. I’ve never had a successful relationship with a guy that I’ve pursued. I’m sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn’t even get that far. They usually just don’t ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn’t make me feel in control of anything.

Since I’ve been implementing Greg’s handy-dandy “he’s just not that into you” philosophy, I’ve been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There’s no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn’t ever feel like I’m just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it’s good for us all to remember that we don’t need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We’re fantastic.

As I just recently posted at The Jenna Daily, I would recommend this book to any single girl who hasn’t had the best of luck in the dating world (obviously, that’s why you’re still single). It has seriously changed my life. ♥ jb

GTs of Dating

I seem to be having a bit more luck on match.com these days, though it bugs me when I get a notification that someone “winked” or “added me as a favorite” when I have NO INTEREST in that person WHATSOEVER. Sure, way to put yourself out there, I’ll give you that much, but it just surprises me that guys even make any kind of move when, at least according to my profile, I am looking for the exact opposite of who they are. Oh well.

It’s mostly just funny but kind of annoying all at the same time. Like I get my hopes up that I got someone’s attention and they liked what they saw, and then I look… wah-waaaaaah.  Only about 3 times have I ever actually been pleased/hopeful with an interaction on match. The only reason I’m still on that dang site (well, not to mention that they automatically reinstated my membership because I forgot to cancel it in time) is that it just gives me hope that there are still guys out there. They’re not all gonna be a great match for me (obvious), but it’s just encouraging to know that I at least have some options.

The reason for this post today is that someone added me as a favorite, so, per usual I checked out the favorites section and there is this guy. 40 years old. Divorced. Three kids. 5′9″. Lives in Fargo. None of those qualifications even come close to the man I’m looking for. 40 = way out of my age range. Divorced = out of my preference (though I wouldn’t typically write a guy off for this). 3 kids = am I ready to be a mother of three? Most likely not. 5′9″ = it’s a deal breaker, ladies. My man will not be shorter than me. Period. Fargo = too far to go. (but not far enough, at least live somewhere tropical so I can go on a vacation in the winter) :)

Well, as I like to say, dating is awkward, but so is becoming the crazy cat lady.