Ok, I didn’t really get a tattoo, don’t you all freak out at once. Over the weekend, I had a dream about getting one, and it was hilarious/stressful. First of all, this tattoo parlor resembled more of a hospital or nursing home lobby from like the mid 80s. The decorating was really office-y and it smelled like stale old lady potpourri and the lighting was really dim, like half of the fluorescent bulbs had burned out. The tattoo artists fit the same theme too, they were all older ladies (well, 45-60 year olds), with perfectly coiffed hair as if they had just come from the salon (in the ’50s, perhaps), or maybe they just quit their day jobs as elementary school secretaries.
Anyways, my name is called and I start describing to the woman what I want. I roll up the sleeve on my shirt to reveal my wrist. I take my watch off and point, “here is where I want it, and if you could just put an Ann Taylor Loft coupon there, that would be great. Like a ‘buy one get one 1/2 off’ or ‘20% off one item’ or you know, something like that, that would be perfect. I just really like that store.”
WHAT?!?!
First of all, who gets a coupon tattoo (but how sweet would that be? unlimited coupons?) and of all places I chose Ann Taylor Loft?! Sure, the store is fine, but it’s definitely not my favorite. It’s no Target. Shoo. Secondly, I wish I could show you what the lady’s rough sketch of the tattoo looked like. She drew it in pink pen directly on my wrist, as like a template to where she was gonna actually ink me. It looked like a really bad coupon from Sears or like a hair dye box from the ’60s. I remember my dream-self thinking, wow, this doesn’t hurt half as bad as everyone says it does, and OH MY GOSH — this tattoo lady SUCKS!!!! My coupon tattoo is gonna look horrible!!! (the drama.)
I’m guessing little tattoo lady saw my concern and comforted me with (in the best semi-old lady voice), “oh don’t worry, honey, it’s just an example to make sure you like it before I do the real thing.” Phew. So right away I was like, yeah, umm I HATE this. I want something else. After seeing the awful coupon design, I decided to do something from the Bible like “God is love” or “love never fails,” something having to do with love. I went through about 50+ versions of this (this was the longest portion of my dream) before I settled on something (which now I can’t even remember… or like it matters). But then when I finally got the final draft ready, the tattoo ladies were all busy and mine had suddenly disappeared. Then a voice from behind a curtain (like a small hospital room would have), I hear my friend Lacey yell out to me, “she’s in here!” So I peek my head into the little cordoned-off curtain room and sure enough, there’s little tattoo lady giving Lacey a tattoo instead. The nerve.
After that I don’t remember anything that happened, if the dream came to any conclusion or [probably] not. It was really stressful though, making all those decisions and then having the lady back out on me and give someone else her attention. Hmm. Dreams are funny.
I don’t know where this came from, but I like it.
