No, I’m not going to quote Britney or Ashlee, sorry, and I’m not even going to talk about farts as previously proposed. If that’s what you were expecting, grow up. :)
I was reminiscing over the past several years this morning as I was getting ready for work, coming up with ridiculous stories of my past, funny memories, some of which are way too embarrassing to disclose to anyone, let alone the entire world via my blog (not saying that the whole world reads my blog, but the potential is there, just sayin’.) Good times.
Anyways, I was recalling a talk that I gave during high school week my first summer working on staff at Camp Ojibway, our church camp, back in 2000. I’ll get back to that in a second. But as I was thinking of that summer it led me to think about my life as I knew it at that moment. Summer of 2000. I had just finished my freshman year at Bethel, I was enjoying the whole summer getting to work outside and play with friends, and I was anticipating the start of my sophomore year in college, living with friends, and most importantly, spending more time with a certain boy. My main focus at the time (sadly, but honestly) wasn’t on serving at camp, but instead this guy I had a huuuuge crush on (who, sidenote: after dating for a little over a year, broke my heart (I’m over it), but if we would’ve stayed together, would be celebrating our 8th anniversary of our first date in just over a week… weird).
Long story short, if I would’ve been able to see 8 years into the future from that point, I probably wouldn’t have envisioned myself sitting alone in a condo in New Brighton, enjoying the company of my three year old goldfish, meanwhile, still being very much single, still volunteering at Hope, still lacking self confidence (working on it), and to add insult to serious injury, after 8 years, I’m still working in the same ridiculous corner of a “desk” at Bethel. Ha. Ok, not that any of those things are necessarily bad, I just would’ve pictured my life going a little differently. But it’s all part of the process, right?
Back to the camp talk. First off, I don’t speak in public very well. I get unhealthily nervous (if that’s even a word). I feel like I have a lot of good things to say, but as soon as I stand up in front of a group – especially when there’s pressure to give a solid, powerful message that will mold the hearts and minds of those listening, undoubtedly resulting in the success or failure of those high school campers (makes me nervous just thinking about it) – I instantly stumble over my words, get all sweaty and shaky, I lose my focus, and ultimately, lose the group’s attention. Well, for my message this evening back in late July of 2000, I had the intention of speaking about God’s sovereignty – how God has a plan for our lives and that we shouldn’t be anxious or worried, that we shouldn’t force our own plans or agendas, because God knows what’s best for us, and that we can look back on our lives and see God’s faithfulness, and see how he has put the puzzle pieces of our lives in place. In his timing, for his glory. How the talk went I don’t remember, I don’t really care. I don’t specifically remember a huge applause or standing ovation or anything (because that probably would’ve been a first in camp history, but whatever, it would be cool someday). As I remember that talk, it is an amazing reminder even now, that God is at work.
We have been taught that God has a plan for our lives, that we should seek his will for our lives, that we need to trust him. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jer. 29:11), “and we know that God works all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28), and one of my all time favorite verses, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct (or ‘make straight’) your paths.” (Prov. 3:5-6)
When I look back at the last 8 years and how my life is so very different than what I would’ve imagined it, what I would’ve planned it out to be, I can see how God has had a better plan for me. I ask myself a lot of ‘what if’s. If I was in charge of putting down the pieces in the ”Puzzle of Jenna’s Life,” I would probably be married by now, who knows where I would be. My life would look very different. I probably wouldn’t have gotten as connected at Bethel, and I probably wouldn’t have the great community of friends I have now. As hard as life can be sometimes, I can see how God is working out his plan in my life, and placing the puzzle pieces that he wants, with his perfect timing. It is working out for the good. I’m not saying that life is always perfect and that I always get what I want. Heck no. But I have have faith, through his living and abiding word (1 Pet. 1:23), I can trust him, I can trust that he truly wants what’s best for me. And that’s what I think faith is all about.
Still living in Love. ♥ jb
“My whole life I place in your hands, God of mercy, humbly I bow down, in your presence, at your throne…”
-Came to My Rescue, Hillsong United
