…and I choke…” Ok, I was never really a big fan of what’s-her-face, Macy Gray, but when I opened up my computer to start typing this blog tonight, that was the first thing that came to my mind. Weird. Maybe I feel like I’m saying farewell to something, or I’m just in a stage of transition, or something… I’m not really sure.
I know that there are different levels of saying goodbye to someone or something. You say goodbye to something when you throw it in the trash can (or recycling), you say goodbye to an unhealthy habit, you say goodbye to a friend when they move or leave for a vacation, you say goodbye to a loved one when they have passed away. I’m aware that is not a complete list, but all of these situations, though they all require letting go of some kind, have various effects on a person. Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes you gotta use the fake “oh yeah, everything’s great” smile, sometimes you cry, always you should pray (ok, maybe not when tossing away your diet coke cans everyday), but you know what I mean. People hold things dear, and we don’t want to let go of anything. We like being in control. When things change or are taken away from us (especially when out of our control), it hurts. Though it’s in these times of pain and grief (I’m thinking mainly in the more severe goodbye moments here), we can move forward, we can grow, we can get better. God wants to use those times of our weakness to show us his strength. And I’m realizing that we need to rely on Him way more than we do.
We, Americans especially, have a lot of garbage, a lot of waste. We don’t think twice about it really, well, some people do, but honestly I don’t. In my opinion, I consume responsibly and discard responsibly. I don’t want to talk about that though. Maybe another time. I mostly want to write about relationships with others and why and when we say goodbye, and how it’s all good. (sponsored by z104 and Weekend Update, ha.) It all works out. Sure, I’m trying to give up pop, especially caffeinated pop because it’s bad for me and I’m trying to be more healthy in 2008, remember? Aren’t we all? So, I’m saying goodbye (to an extent) to pop for now. It’s hard, but I think I can do it. At least cut back. I said goodbye to my friend when she left for vacation. I said goodbye to my friend when he moved to a new city. I say goodbye to my family everytime I leave their house. Thankfully, I can say goodbye to all of those people with the expectation that I will get to see them again in the future. I do miss the people I don’t get to see very often, but it’s just temporary. It might be a few days, a few months, but eventually I will see them again. There’s hope.
I don’t know what it will be like to lose a close friend or a family member, you know, when they die. Praise the Lord I haven’t had to deal with the death of anyone significantly close like that. I’ve had a few friends that have, and I seriously just can’t imagine having to say that kind of goodbye. Even with the hope that we have as Christians to see some of those people again someday, I won’t want to let go. I get choked up just thinking about it. I know with the help of the Holy Spirit it is possible to say goodbye, but that’s about as permanent as it gets. It doesn’t seem fair.
Strangely, when it’s my time to go, I think it will be different. To hang out in heaven with that crew up there? — that’s going to be unbelieveable. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my crew on earth is dece too, but Jesus and the Creator of the universe? I’m sorry, I’d take that any day. I still think there’s work left for me to do here, so if I have anything to do with it, I’d like to stick around awhile longer. I am looking forward to meeting my savior face to face though and to be able to truly, with my whole heart say, “It is well with my soul.”
I guess I don’t really know what the point I’m trying to make is. I’m trying not to come across too somber or too deep or whatever, because that’s not what I’m feeling at all. I obviously don’t really know what I’m thinking. I think I’m just coming to the realization that “whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Matt. 16:19) You know, “wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” That’s in Matthew somewhere too I think. Well, we have been given “keys to the kingdom,” and I want to start having a better mindset. I’m sick of getting all caught up in things of this world… I want to be transformed and allow God to change the way I think. (Romans 12:2 paraphrased)
Well, I did not intend this to get this long or about anything this serious. Maybe I just needed to vent it out. Thanks for reading. I’ll post something a little more upbeat next time around, deal? Maybe something about farts or something, because that’s always a good read. Ha, kidding. Live in Love. ♥ jb
