The Single Girl’s Night Out

Today: payday!  This afternoon before leaving work I realized that my paycheck had been electronically deposited in my account (“Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus!”), which means, a trip to Target was in order.  I basically just had to get a couple essential grocery items, but since I had been on hiatus from buying anything (yes, anything – ok, except gas) for a whole week and a half due to insufficient (read: no) funds, there were a couple other nonessentials that I didn’t feel bad about putting into my basket tonight.  I mean, come on, 27 Dresses just came out, how could I resist that?

Well, I didn’t realize what kind of mood I must’ve been in until I walked up to the register and started emptying my little red basket of goodies.  (p.s. I love Target.)  After the OJ and milk and a few other groceries were scanned through, the rest of the items just screamed, “I live by myself, I’m single, and I’m just going to own that right now, is that ok with you?!”  Of course I didn’t actually say anything, but I just had to laugh at myself.  27 Dresses (duh!), 2 bags of Dove dark chocolates (2 for $5, give me a break!), a bouquet of flowers (yes, I buy flowers for myself as a rule), 3 lipsticks (they were on sale), a caffeine-free Diet Coke, and a new shirt for spring (hopefully I get a chance to wear it). I think that was all.  I’m pretty sure the poor high school cashier boy could’ve cared less, nor did I think he was judging me, I just thought it was funny, I felt like such a pathetic loser.  That feeling came and went as soon as I remembered that I was totally looking forward to James Marsden.

I’m content being single, honestly, and as much as I wish CJ would kick his butt into gear and just freaking ask me out already, that’s not happening, and I can’t make it happen, so it’s a good thing I know that patience is a virtue.  And more importantly, a fruit of the Spirit.  I’ll write more about that later.  Anyways, the night was overall a success.  Target run, check.  Flowers in water, check.  Nice long walk around New Brighton, check.  Lunges, ugh, check.  Dinner, check.  Girly movie (mixed in with a few happy tears at the end), check.  Blog post, check.

I took my daily dose of melatonin and I’m starting to fade, so I’m out.  Yes, I’m still living in love, in case you cared.  Do any of you have a motto for 2008?  It’s not too late.  Just sayin.  ♥ jb

A Pirate’s Life for Me

Just wanted to put out a quick plug for my cousin-in-law’s new pirate-themed restaurant opening in downtown Stillwater in May!  Yarrrr matey!

http://www.stillwatergazette.com/articles/2008/04/05/news/news110.txt

Namesake

Just to clear things up right off the bat, I’m not going to talk about my namesake, mostly because my mom thinks she made up my name (ha! love you, mom), but moreso the namesake of my blog. 

So, A couple weeks ago I had the pleasure of participating in one of the greatest social (or should I say, not-so-social) events in history, bingo.  No, I’m not just saying “bingo,” like, “yeah, you got the answer right,” but actual game of BINGO.  Picture this.  A huge room, no windows, just fluorescent lighting and tropical themed decor.  There is a faint smell of strongly-buttered, partially-burnt popcorn.  The place is packed, yet no one is talking.  Except one voice over the loudspeaker, a monotone combination of random letters and numbers, and a sporadic holler every couple minutes from the crowd, it’s eerily quiet.  The multitude of tables are covered in sheets upon sheets upon tablets (no joke) of bingo cards, various stampers – or daubers, as the pros say - (I’m pretty sure I saw a set with plastic farm animal heads for caps and some that were organized in their very own customized carrying case), as well as the personal shrines to the early 90s, or was that just someone’s lucky charm troll doll collection?  Yes, that’s right, I was at none other than Rochester’s-own, Flamingo Bingo.

I had forgotten that “and after!” was a common response after someone called “B4″ in bingo… I don’t know where that originated or where I heard it the first time, probably camp, but it wasn’t until that night at Flamingo Bingo that I remembered that’s where I must’ve come up with JennaB4 [and after], at least the “and after” part. Either way, it was a wild night, very fun, and who knew bingo was such an intense game?  Believe it or not, we actually got ’shushed’ from one of the – I don’t know what you’d call them – referees?  And I can’t even tell you how many people shot the Stink Eye in our direction.  Apparently it is frowned upon to socialize (a.k.a. whisper to your neighbor, let alone give out any impression that you are actually having a good time) while playing bingo.  Who knew?  Anyways, though no money was actually awarded after two and a half hours of flamingo fun, I have to admit, it was a good time, and yes, it was always quite the celebration (a quiet one, of course) on my end of the table everytime ‘B4′ was called. 

I have put my special teal dauber in a safe place for my next trip down to Roch.  I will also have to dig out my lucky rabbit’s foot keychain that I got in third grade.  I sure hope I kept that.  :) ♥ jb

Desperation

Patience is a virtue.  Not only does this phrase apply to my present dating life (or lack thereof), but it also applies to my blog… Seriously peeps, I know it’s hard to imagine, but I do have a life outside my blog.  I am trying to keep up with writing though since one of my resolutions/goals for 2008 was to post once a week, so I don’t want to let myself and/or you – my loyal readership – down.  I’m just glad that you read my ramblings in the first place.  I am going to switch things up though, and against everything in my will, I am going to try and keep my blogs more brief and, quite possibly (if you’re lucky), more frequent.  How does that sound?  It’s more of a challenge to me, because as I’ve come to find out (though I’ve probably known it my whole life) I’m very long-winded.  I’m just not a very concise person, and I’m not going to say I’m sorry about it either.  Booya.  In the words of OneRepublic, it’s too late to apologize.  Too late.

Anyways, I’ll just leave you with my favorite Office quote of the night. 

Michael Scott: What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.

Hilarious. 

I’ll write more soon. Live in love. ♥ jb

Pieces of Me

No, I’m not going to quote Britney or Ashlee, sorry, and I’m not even going to talk about farts as previously proposed.  If that’s what you were expecting, grow up. :)

I was reminiscing over the past several years this morning as I was getting ready for work, coming up with ridiculous stories of my past, funny memories, some of which are way too embarrassing to disclose to anyone, let alone the entire world via my blog (not saying that the whole world reads my blog, but the potential is there, just sayin’.)  Good times.

Anyways, I was recalling a talk that I gave during high school week my first summer working on staff at Camp Ojibway, our church camp, back in 2000.  I’ll get back to that in a second.  But as I was thinking of that summer it led me to think about my life as I knew it at that moment.  Summer of 2000.  I had just finished my freshman year at Bethel, I was enjoying the whole summer getting to work outside and play with friends, and I was anticipating the start of my sophomore year in college, living with friends, and most importantly, spending more time with a certain boy.  My main focus at the time (sadly, but honestly) wasn’t on serving at camp, but instead this guy I had a huuuuge crush on (who, sidenote: after dating for a little over a year, broke my heart (I’m over it), but if we would’ve stayed together, would be celebrating our 8th anniversary of our first date in just over a week… weird). 

Long story short, if I would’ve been able to see 8 years into the future from that point, I probably wouldn’t have envisioned myself sitting alone in a condo in New Brighton, enjoying the company of my three year old goldfish, meanwhile, still being very much single, still volunteering at Hope, still lacking self confidence (working on it), and to add insult to serious injury, after 8 years, I’m still working in the same ridiculous corner of a “desk” at Bethel.  Ha.  Ok, not that any of those things are necessarily bad, I just would’ve pictured my life going a little differently.  But it’s all part of the process, right? 

Back to the camp talk.  First off, I don’t speak in public very well.  I get unhealthily nervous (if that’s even a word).  I feel like I have a lot of good things to say, but as soon as I stand up in front of a group – especially when there’s pressure to give a solid, powerful message that will mold the hearts and minds of those listening, undoubtedly resulting in the success or failure of those high school campers (makes me nervous just thinking about it) – I instantly stumble over my words, get all sweaty and shaky, I lose my focus, and ultimately, lose the group’s attention.  Well, for my message this evening back in late July of 2000, I had the intention of speaking about God’s sovereignty – how God has a plan for our lives and that we shouldn’t be anxious or worried, that we shouldn’t force our own plans or agendas, because God knows what’s best for us, and that we can look back on our lives and see God’s faithfulness, and see how he has put the puzzle pieces of our lives in place.  In his timing, for his glory.  How the talk went I don’t remember, I don’t really care.  I don’t specifically remember a huge applause or standing ovation or anything (because that probably would’ve been a first in camp history, but whatever, it would be cool someday).  As I remember that talk, it is an amazing reminder even now, that God is at work. 

We have been taught that God has a plan for our lives, that we should seek his will for our lives, that we need to trust him.  “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jer. 29:11), “and we know that God works all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28), and one of my all time favorite verses, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct (or ‘make straight’) your paths.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

When I look back at the last 8 years and how my life is so very different than what I would’ve imagined it, what I would’ve planned it out to be, I can see how God has had a better plan for me.  I ask myself a lot of ‘what if’s.  If I was in charge of putting down the pieces in the ”Puzzle of Jenna’s Life,” I would probably be married by now, who knows where I would be.  My life would look very different.  I probably wouldn’t have gotten as connected at Bethel, and I probably wouldn’t have the great community of friends I have now.  As hard as life can be sometimes, I can see how God is working out his plan in my life, and placing the puzzle pieces that he wants, with his perfect timing.  It is working out for the good.  I’m not saying that life is always perfect and that I always get what I want.  Heck no.  But I have have faith, through his living and abiding word (1 Pet. 1:23), I can trust him, I can trust that he truly wants what’s best for me.  And that’s what I think faith is all about. 

Still living in Love. ♥ jb

“My whole life I place in your hands, God of mercy, humbly I bow down, in your presence, at your throne…”
-Came to My Rescue, Hillsong United

“I try to say goodbye…

…and I choke…”  Ok, I was never really a big fan of what’s-her-face, Macy Gray, but when I opened up my computer to start typing this blog tonight, that was the first thing that came to my mind.  Weird.  Maybe I feel like I’m saying farewell to something, or I’m just in a stage of transition, or something… I’m not really sure.

I know that there are different levels of saying goodbye to someone or something.  You say goodbye to something when you throw it in the trash can (or recycling), you say goodbye to an unhealthy habit, you say goodbye to a friend when they move or leave for a vacation, you say goodbye to a loved one when they have passed away.  I’m aware that is not a complete list, but all of these situations, though they all require letting go of some kind, have various effects on a person.  Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes you gotta use the fake “oh yeah, everything’s great” smile, sometimes you cry, always you should pray (ok, maybe not when tossing away your diet coke cans everyday), but you know what I mean.  People hold things dear, and we don’t want to let go of anything.  We like being in control.  When things change or are taken away from us (especially when out of our control), it hurts.  Though it’s in these times of pain and grief (I’m thinking mainly in the more severe goodbye moments here), we can move forward, we can grow, we can get better.  God wants to use those times of our weakness to show us his strength.  And I’m realizing that we need to rely on Him way more than we do. 

We, Americans especially, have a lot of garbage, a lot of waste.  We don’t think twice about it really, well, some people do, but honestly I don’t.  In my opinion, I consume responsibly and discard responsibly.  I don’t want to talk about that though.  Maybe another time.  I mostly want to write about relationships with others and why and when we say goodbye, and how it’s all good.  (sponsored by z104 and Weekend Update, ha.)  It all works out.  Sure, I’m trying to give up pop, especially caffeinated pop because it’s bad for me and I’m trying to be more healthy in 2008, remember?  Aren’t we all?  So, I’m saying goodbye (to an extent) to pop for now.  It’s hard, but I think I can do it.  At least cut back.  I said goodbye to my friend when she left for vacation.  I said goodbye to my friend when he moved to a new city.  I say goodbye to my family everytime I leave their house.  Thankfully, I can say goodbye to all of those people with the expectation that I will get to see them again in the future.  I do miss the people I don’t get to see very often, but it’s just temporary.  It might be a few days, a few months, but eventually I will see them again.  There’s hope.

I don’t know what it will be like to lose a close friend or a family member, you know, when they die.  Praise the Lord I haven’t had to deal with the death of anyone significantly close like that.  I’ve had a few friends that have, and I seriously just can’t imagine having to say that kind of goodbye.  Even with the hope that we have as Christians to see some of those people again someday, I won’t want to let go.  I get choked up just thinking about it.  I know with the help of the Holy Spirit it is possible to say goodbye, but that’s about as permanent as it gets.  It doesn’t seem fair.

Strangely, when it’s my time to go, I think it will be different.  To hang out in heaven with that crew up there? — that’s going to be unbelieveable.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, my crew on earth is dece too, but Jesus and the Creator of the universe?  I’m sorry, I’d take that any day.  I still think there’s work left for me to do here, so if I have anything to do with it, I’d like to stick around awhile longer.  I am looking forward to meeting my savior face to face though and to be able to truly, with my whole heart say, “It is well with my soul.”

I guess I don’t really know what the point I’m trying to make is.  I’m trying not to come across too somber or too deep or whatever, because that’s not what I’m feeling at all.  I obviously don’t really know what I’m thinking.  I think I’m just coming to the realization that “whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Matt. 16:19)  You know, “wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  That’s in Matthew somewhere too I think.  Well, we have been given “keys to the kingdom,” and I want to start having a better mindset.  I’m sick of getting all caught up in things of this world… I want to be transformed and allow God to change the way I think. (Romans 12:2 paraphrased) 

Well, I did not intend this to get this long or about anything this serious.  Maybe I just needed to vent it out.  Thanks for reading.  I’ll post something a little more upbeat next time around, deal?  Maybe something about farts or something, because that’s always a good read.  Ha, kidding.  Live in Love. ♥ jb