Wishes

I’ve compiled a list of wishes that I created last December.  In the words of Dusty Springfield, it’s a list of things that I’m “wishing and hoping, thinking and praying, planning and dreaming” about.  Some of them are realistic, some of them are a little far-fetched, but that’s ok, they’re dreams… they’re supposed to be a little lofty, right?  And it’s obviously not a complete list, but it’s a start.  Anyways, here it is:

• a raise (or a 2nd job), so that I can live more comfortably within my means (without financial burden) and be able to be more generous.
• a quality man to pursue me (and want to, you know, with no obligation).
• motivation to be more healthy.
• a closer, more serious, relationship with God.
• a baby.  not anytime soon – yikes – but someday.  They’re pretty cute.
• a hobby.
• gas prices to go down.
• good quality family time.
• fireworks.  anytime.  anywhere.  preferably set to a k/a soundtrack.
• a good cry.
• something/someone inspiring.
• greater self-confidence.

I think the New Year has set me off on the right foot, I feel like I’ve already accomplished and/or experienced a lot of these things just within the last month.  Maybe my attitude has just been a lot more positive.  Either way, I’m feeling good.  Oh, and just a side note of humor for you all, two of my friends and I are taking a Minneapolis Community Ed class in Hip Hop dance.  We had our first class last night, and it’s maybe one of the funniest things I’ve ever done in my whole life.  ♥ jb

My Sweet Song

I am sitting here in my room, staring at my computer screen with soggy eyes and flushed cheeks. I just got back from the movie, P.S. I Love You. It’s the second time I’ve seen it, and it was even better the second time around. I’ve been teary (a.k.a. sobbing, surprisingly loudly at times) for about the last 40 minutes. It’s a beautiful but sad love story, but mostly it just makes me hopeful. I’m a sucker for romantic movies. I love just a good, solid love story. I can’t wait for my own to happen, you know, for my prince to come. Anyways, in the movie the husband dies, yet the couple’s love remains. (don’t worry, I didn’t ruin it for those of you that still have it on your “to see” lists) I’m not saying that I’m hopeful for my future husband to die and for me to be left behind in grief, oh my gosh, by no means. Not that my someday-husband will always make me happy either, or that I’m not happy now because I’m not married (or even in a relationship), but I just feel like there is something to be said about that ultimate, intimate, unconditional, self-sacrificing love that comes when two people fall in love and commit their lives to each other. That is partially why I feel so thankful for my relationship with God right now, and how it has really grown so much in the last month. I just feel so thirsty for knowledge and curious to learn as much as I can. When you first meet a special someone, you know, you want to spend as much time as you can with them, getting to know them, learning about what makes them tick, and asking yourself how you got so lucky to have the chance to spend any amount of time with them. You can’t help but smile when you’re in their presence. Not that I’m an expert on love, by any means. I’ve only had 3 or 4 serious boyfriends, all of whom are really great guys, just not great matches for me. And I’m totally cool with that, I’m happy. That part of the process of relationships, when it’s so dang hard and you feel like you might not survive, is so crucial to understanding more about yourself, as well as what kind of person would be a great match, or better yet, the best match. Now, I’m not equating God with a significant other – woof – but there is a similarity that I’m trying to explain here. You meet someone. You either like that person or you don’t. It just clicks. Sometimes it takes awhile, sometimes it’s immediate, like, you can’t get enough of that person. You want to know everything. And you want the same in return. You are worth it, right? Well, God wants the same thing. God wants everyone to come to know him. That doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like him right away. But unlike any prospective husband (or wife, to some of you), God isn’t going to fail you. He’s not going to let you down. He’s going to love you, just as you are, unconditionally. He wants to spend time with you, he wants to know you. He thinks you’re beautiful and talented. He thinks you’re smart, and funny, and worth dying for. What I’ve been learning recently (even though I’ve been learning it for the whole last 26 years of my life, I’m just now coming to realize the truth of it), is that God just wants us. He wants us to come to Him. He wants us to live. He asks us to follow Him. (p.s. I apologize for this super long paragraph, but I’m not in the perfectionist-must-have-3-7-sentence-paragraphed-tabbed-bulleted-blah-blah mood right now, you’re just going to have to live with it. Not that I’m really like that on any other day, but you know what I mean.) Sometimes we don’t always feel like God really knows what is best for us (because, duh, we obviously know better than that! *insert snobby hair flip here*), or feel like He’s that close to us, or whatever, fill in the blank… But we can be rest-assured that He will never leave us nor forsake us. There is a really pretty song in the movie called My Sweet Song, by Toby Lightman. It tells the story of how we have this song within us, and not that I’m trying to give it any theological power whatsoever, but it ends by saying “my sweet song, I guess I’m stuck with you… I guess I’ll always be yours.” I think God can be, in a sense, without sounding too cheesy, our Sweet Song. A song that once you learn it, sings within you and through you, and touches other people’s hearts, and will ultimately transform your life. At least that’s what I hope.

Wow, that got deeper than I intended, but whatever, I gotta go to bed. I’m Living in Love. ♥ jb

First Week

I feel like the first week of 2008 has been pretty k/a, if I do say so myself.  I’m feeling good, happy.  Maybe I just feel really positive this week, maybe I feel like things are actually going my way, maybe I’m a little proud of my efforts for once in a really long time.  Maybe I really am Living in Love.  I’d like to think I’m trying anyways. 

I thought I would share a couple songs that I feel sum up my life/attitude right now.  The songs aren’t anything new or out of the ordinary, but they’ve just been really meaningful to me lately.  I’ve added links to the lyrics, but give them a listen if you feel so inclined. 

• Carrie Underwood, So Small [lyrics]
• Chris Tomlin, Glorious  [lyrics]
• Carole King, Beautiful  [lyrics]
• Taylor Swift, I’d Lie  [lyrics]
• Mainstay, Where Your Heart Belongs [lyrics]

The least that will happen is you’ll get a little glimpse into my heart.  Is that so bad?  ♥ jb

Looking Back on Moving Forward

With the success of Bold in 2006, I wanted to keep advancing in a positive direction, keep challenging myself, and not get too lazy (in many aspects of my life, not just in physical activity – or the lack thereof), so I chose Moving Forward in 2007 as my motto for the year.  With the new year now at hand, I thought I should take a moment in retrospect and see how much I did or didn’t, in fact, move forward.

• I moved into my own place in February.  A pretty big step forward.  I’m more independent, responsible (kinda), close to work, and far, far away from most everything else
• Traveled to Washington, D.C. in January, Arizona in March, Florida in November
• Continued working with the youth group at Hope, as well as meeting with Bible study girls weekly, bringing great spiritual growth
• Made strong attempts to move forward with several male prospects, with little to no success (you can’t say I didn’t try!)
• Invested in old and new friendships as much as possible
• Completed my first full year as a full-time employee at Bethel. Made good work connections, became a more vital part of the team, and though being told I was just the “overflow designer” by a coworker (not my favorite day at work) and still sharing a smaller-than-acceptable office with my boss, I grew to be more independent and self-sufficient which always feels good, plus I laughed a lot and got to play with fonts every day. What’s not to love?
• Last but not least, if we’re going to get technical, a lot of moving forward occurred in my car. I drove over 15,000 miles this year. A little surprising/disappointing for only being 2 miles from work.

So, overall, it was just dece. I think I had too many high expectations, and though it was motivating to push myself and good for long-term goal setting, it was probably too vague and there just wasn’t enough bang for the buck.  Without sounding like too much of a pessimist, I think it was almost easier to see where I came up empty, you know, see the failed attempts and disappointments.  Maybe I’m just too hard on myself. 

Lucky for me, Bold and Moving Forward are technically over, but I have learned a lot about myself, God, and others through these simple little mantras.  This year will be all about my favorite word, love.  Living in Love in 2008.  Loving myself (by taking better care of myself and learning to be confident in who I am), loving God (I mean, really, he deserves it), and loving others (whether or not you deserve it).  I’m really excited about it.  Plus, I’m a hopeless romantic (believe it or not), so here’s to hoping that the Man of my Dreams will reveal himself this year.  We’ll see about that, Doc.

That leads me to my conclusion, because part of taking care of myself means going to bed at a more reasonable hour, and that hour is quickly approaching.  Until next time. ♥